When the esteemed editor-in-chief of the renowned cultural website of record, pencilstorm.com, sends you a quick text reminding you that in order to keep full benefits you’ve gotta earn your keep around here, you have no choice but to put the Clark Kent glasses on and get to work on your best reporting. So you’re looking at a brand new World Cup Soccer (everywhere else, football) Correspondent! Thankfully this didn’t mean needing to go to Qatar, though at least then I would have finally learned how to properly pronounce that country’s name. 

I guess I would say I’m a casual soccer fan. I enjoy the beautiful game and watching it occasionally. I’m on the cusp of figuring out which English Premier League club to become a fan of, but my appreciation doesn’t extend so far as choosing to spend my time watching any Crew or MLS. However, I have always gotten excited and followed this once-every-four-years tournament of the soccer world’s best. Really I’ve been a fan ever since my 10th birthday, when I asked to get a whole month of cable to watch that year’s World Cup. Salvatore Shillaci is forever the man! Here are a few things to ponder if you’re planning on watching the 2022 FIFA World Cup.

When and how to watch………

Here’s a link to the official FIFA website for the World Cup. I didn’t find it super practical. I guess with all the bribing and corrupting it’s hard to find the money for good website design. Here’s a screenshot of all 32 teams in the tournament though with their cool little flags. 

The 32 teams in the tournament are divided into eight groups of four. The USA starts off in Group B with England, Iran, and Wales. Each win is worth three points while a draw (tie) is one point and a loss zero. After each team plays three games (the other teams in their group), the top two finishers in each group advance to the Knockout Round of 16. Ties in the Group Stage are broken by goal differential or head-to-head outcomes. The World Cup Final is slated to be played on Sunday, December 18th to cap off a month-long celebration of the most popular sport in the world with an estimated 3.5 billion! viewers in 2018, (Super Bowl was a little over 200 mil.) Here’s an in-depth primer if you want to learn more.

The United States national team plays on the following dates and times and can be viewed on these channels. In local time each of their games starts at 10:00 pm.

Monday, November 21st, 2022 2:00 PM
USA vs. Wales 
TV:  Fox, FS1, Peacock, Telemundo

Friday, November 25th, 2022 2:00 PM
USA vs. England
TV:  Fox, FS1, Peacock, Telemundo

Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 2:00 PM
USA vs. Iran 
TV: Fox, FS1, Peacock, Telemundo

Also, keep an eye out for former Bengals receiver Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson who’ll be doing some coverage for Fox if you like being entertained.

Where to watch?

You may see some Pencilstorm contributors enjoying the games at Land-Grant Brewing Company if it’s your lucky night. Some other establishments known for serving a more soccer-refined experience include Barley’s Brewing Company in the Short North and Fado Irish Pub in Easton. Fourth Street Taproom and Kitchen, too, if you’re feeling collegial.

And having watched a few U.S. national team games at old Crew Stadium, I can attest those might be the best for crowd and energy. So I should add Lower.com Field, where the Crew play now, will be hosting free watch parties all cup long.

What are Team USA’s chances?

Not great, Bob. The feeling I get from the ever-faithful is that there are some people talking themselves into this team, but most would find it surprising if they got very far. The expectation is to survive the group stage but even that is not a sure thing given the performance of the team recently under embattled “new” coach Gregg Berhalter, who formerly headed our very own Columbus Crew. I only say “new” in quotes because this will be Berhalter’s first World Cup though he took over in December of 2018.

Between the years 1950 and 1990, the US participated in an impressive ZERO World Cups. Since 1990, the best they’ve ever done is reach the quarterfinals in 2002, their second-best finish in the 11 tournaments they’ve been in. They didn’t even qualify in 2018! So the expectations should not be very high and I think everyone would be thrilled if this youthful team got as far as the quarterfinals this year. But not making it out of the Group would be the disappointment everyone fears. 

This team is young and inexperienced on the international stage. It’s the second youngest team at the World Cup according to this. That makes it all the harder to predict how they will do, but if they catch the right wave and give a respectable showing, confidence in the future of US soccer could grow sky-high (again).

My Prediction:  It’s all about matchups later in the tournament so I think this team does get to the Round of 16 and might even sneak into the quarterfinals depending on who they’re up against.

Who are the Team USA players to keep an eye on?

Twenty-five players will be making their World Cup debuts this year and that’s just on Team USA. With such an inexperienced team anyone can really jump out and impress but these are the players I think will have the most eyes on them.

#10 Forward Christian Pulisic Age: 24
#8 Midfielder Weston McKennie Age: 24
#7 Forward Gio Reyna Age: 20
#1 Goalkeeper Matt Turner Age: 28
#6 Midfielder Yunus Musah Age: 19

Who should I (legally and responsibly) bet on?

Ahh, the most important question. I’m personally pulling for Argentina as this is possibly Lionel Messi’s last World Cup. He’s one of the greatest ever to do it. And I’m just a happier person in general when the great ones have a ring to go with their legend status. It’s like watching an absolute genius get their due, like when Pacino or Leto finally won their Oscars.

But they’re also not a bad bet. They have the second-best odds of any team to win right now according to Vegas sportsbooks. If we go by just DraftKings, the best odds to win are these five teams with Germany right behind at +1000.

Brazil +330
Argentina +500
France +750
Spain +850
England +900

The US is at +13000. If you’re looking for some dark horse bets let me offer you Croatia +6500 and Poland +15000. Just remember to be responsible! As Pete Rose would probably say; gambling might now be America’s national pastime, you can bet on it!

The best hoopers at soccer.

My passion for NBA basketball knows no bounds so I must end this with a crossover NBA bit. (Note to self: Nice use of “crossover” here while talking about basketball, but not even realizing it at the time) I’ve long held the position that once soccer gets as popular as basketball & football in America and our best athletes start playing it seriously, Team USA can eventually dominate on the world stage. As I also believe basketball players are the best athletes in the world, here are a few hoopers who I think would particularly excel at soccer.

There are so many athletic freaks in the NBA that it’s hard to just pick just a few. I decided to leave out foreign players who might not suit up for Team USA plus they’re probably only playing basketball cause they weren’t good enough at soccer in the first place. I’m also taking them in their primes and I also really, really wanted to add Barry Sanders to this group.

Allen Iverson would be an absolute demon in the midfield and could probably bring the crossover and the carry over into the sport however that would look. Though endurance questions may arise due to Iverson’s notorious party lifestyle.

Steph Curry would leave no doubt about his endurance. That guy works when he’s on the court running and shifting through an endless maze of cuts and switches. And if he could get his shots at the goal to be as accurate as his shots at the hoop? Time to go night-night.

Anthony Davis is a world-class goaltender. Probably. At the risk of him still getting injured all the time, how fun would it be to watch this elite athlete with height, reach, and speed try to keep the ball out of the net?

De’Aaron Fox is a fast man. One of the fastest in the NBA and I can see that ability setting him apart on the pitch. And he’s got a lot of skill inside the 3-point line that I could see translating to the penalty area. 

Dennis Rodman already dresses and acts like a world-class soccer player so I’ll give you a moment to stop nodding your head like you’re doing right now. But his hard work and relentlessness combined with his study of film and understanding of his craft? I could think of no better total skillset for a premier defender.

Comment with the athlete(s) you think could have been great soccer players down below! 

Finally, it would be remiss of me to not include anything about the controversies surrounding the World Cup taking place in Qatar this year. Here’s a good explainer article for those interested.